


Where He Belongs

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-21
Updated: 2006-03-21
Packaged: 2019-02-02 04:43:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12719892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel's not sure he should have descended.





	Where He Belongs

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: None.  


* * *

Tired, Daniel sat back in his chair. He'd just finished sending his report to General Hammond regarding SG1's mission to P4W-8543 and had decided to re-watch some of the video shot by Sam. He smiled, remembering that Jack had nicknamed it 'rabbit world'. 

The team had originally gated to the planet because the MALP's feed had revealed a set of buildings within shouting distance of the gate, which appeared to have a Roman or Greek influence about them. When further investigation indicated there was evidence of Trinium on the planet, Hammond had made the decision, coaxed along by Sam, to send SG1. Daniel hadn't minded, he'd wanted to take a look at the buildings, see if there was any indication that this was an Ancient outpost. There hadn't been any signs of people during the entire 48 hours the MALP had sat there. So, SG1 had stepped through the gate. 

All had gone well, a quiet mission with all objectives met. But it became quite evident soon after they had arrived at the first structure that the planet had a healthy 'rabbit' population. Well, not exactly rabbits, per se. The animals were small about the size of an adult cottontail, maybe two or three pounds, and when at rest looked just like soft, furry bunnies. But when moving around, they walked on all four legs like a cat or a dog, instead of hopping. Added to that, they were every color of the rainbow and it was one of the funniest sights he'd seen in a while. And they were everywhere. Leading Jack to make a comment about how in some respects there were *exactly* like rabbits, which lead into a conversation and an explanation to Teal'c about Earth rabbits' breeding habits.

As he watched, Daniel could see the camera pan. Sam had thought the animals were an unusual anomaly and wanted to get sufficient footage for the science department to study.

He could hear himself talking as she recorded their surroundings.

"Why do you suppose we didn't see them on the MALP footage, Sam?" 

"Maybe they were frightened by the sounds of the machinery as it kept up its surveillance of the area. It's only a guess."

"Well, whatever the reason, it doesn't seem to be bothering them now." Daniel watched as he'd knelt down intending to stroke one of the 'rabbits'.

"Careful. Wouldn't want to have one of these Bugs Bunny wannabes try to take a bite out of ya." Jack stepped up and placed a hand on his shoulder. Daniel looked back, offering his friend a smile and carefully petted the bright purple animal that walked up and sat down at his feet. It promptly flopped over onto its back as if to say 'rub my belly, please'. And he obliged it. Suddenly there were rabbits everywhere wanting to be stroked and petted. Soon, the entire team, including Teal'c, was being kept busy giving 'bunny' massages. 

The video crackled, and then changed perspectives. Daniel had taken up the camera and had started taping the interior walls of the first structure. He could hear Jack in the background.

"Teal'c, stay with Daniel. I'll watch Carter's six." The words that had cut Daniel then, hurt just as much now. He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, a sudden wave of loneliness washing over him.

Since coming back from Kelowna and helping to save the Earth one more time, Daniel had become a part of SG1 again. Jonas had gone back to his home, an ambassador for his country and Daniel now had his old position back.

Leaning forward, Daniel put his face in his hands and realized he was feeling sorry for himself. Recently he'd started to regain his memories, but Daniel was still feeling empty. His entire life felt different, somehow lacking. Although, he'd slipped into his old position at the SGC, he'd never felt as if he'd come home. 

Now, he was taking another step towards reintegrating into life on Earth again. He'd bought a house six weeks ago and had signed all the papers on Monday. It was now his. Tomorrow was moving day which meant, thankfully, he could finally get out of the mountain and into a place of his own. He'd appreciated being assigned VIP quarters but he didn't know how Teal'c did it. Constantly under the watchful eye of mountain security, Daniel felt as if he were a bug under a microscope. 

It had been hard when he'd first returned. People would come up and welcome him home or would stare at him as if they'd seen a ghost. Well, apparently they were seeing a ghost. He had returned from that higher plane and he'd correctly guessed that no one had expected to ever see him again. 

At times he felt as if he hadn't been missed, and that no one had taken more than a second's notice that he had died/ascended. He wasn't even sure his team had missed him. Jonas had worked well with everyone and was a genius. He had moved among the staff of the SGC and onto SG1 as if he'd been made for Daniel's job. If he were honest with himself, he'd have to admit there was a little anger and jealousy there, that Jack, Sam and Teal'c had accepted Jonas so easily. The old adage, that everyone was replaceable was obviously very true. 

//Stop it. Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself. You're being selfish.// 

Putting away his files, Daniel picked up his laptop and headed to his quarters for his last night in the mountain. Tomorrow, he had movers coming to his new address with all his belongings which Jack had placed in storage for him. Jack was an enigma; treating Daniel as if he hadn't been missed yet he had placed all of his personal belongs in storage, which only compounded his conflicted feelings as far as Jack went.

There had only been that initial team night since his return and only a handful of personal invitations to Jack's house, all of which had left him uncomfortable and ill at ease. He has left early every single time. 

This emptiness had him baffled. He'd been alone before. Hell, for the majority of his adult life, he'd survived without anyone. Why did it bother him now? When had loneliness become such a feared word in his vocabulary? So then, maybe the question was, why had he come back if this was all that was waiting for him? Well, that question only Oma could answer. He was sure he had been sent back, buck-naked, his brain sitting on empty, as a punishment, but for what? Trying to help Abydos and Earth? Well, that hadn't worked out so well. His family and friends from the far world were now ascended, according to the mission reports. A fate better than death, but to him, a failure nonetheless.

With the movers expected at ten the next morning, Daniel looked around one last time, then turned off the lights and closed his office door. He made his way to the elevators hoping to get a good night's sleep.

ooOOoo

Daniel stood in the middle of his living room, surveying all the boxes and furniture. He had forgotten that he owned so much stuff and it seemed like an overwhelming and daunting task just thinking of unpacking. The dining room was piled high with boxes. He recognized Jack and Sam's handwriting on several different boxes. Looking more closely he could see one marked books, another marked kitchen stuff and still another marked towels and sheets. There was even one marked junk and he had to smile. Jack and Sam had taken the time to get his belongings all boxed up and moved into storage. The general could have assigned another SG team to pack his belongings but his friends had done it themselves.

Moving over to a box that had been placed by the front window, Daniel reached in to find a set of candles that Teal'c had given him the Christmas before he'd left. Looking closer he could see Teal'c had written the contents on the side of this box. So Teal'c had helped, too. This brought a small smile to his face. And then, suddenly, a big smile. He remembered that Christmas celebration at Jack's.

His friends had cared enough for him to make sure his belongings were secured. It struck him that they really must have believed that he would be back somehow. Why? Why would they believe that? He had no answers for the questions swirling around his mind. 

And Daniel was still unable to shake the feeling of loneliness that seemed to follow him wherever he was, whatever he was doing.

He could rationalize it all when he thought about it. First, there was dealing with Anubis and Kelowna. Then, there had been the supposed debriefing by the Pentagon regarding his time with the Ancients, not that he'd been able to tell them much. What the Pentagon didn't know was that even if he had remembered, he would have kept it to himself. He basically didn't trust the powers that be. And that feeling had held him in good stead over the years. 

Since then, there had been one mission after another. He hadn't even been able to leave the mountain to go shopping for basic necessities for the longest time due to the fact that he was 'officially' dead. His bank account and his life had been put on hold. The bureaucracy that was able to so cleanly declare him dead had taken its own sweet time bringing him back to life on paper. General Hammond had hounded them every other day and it still had taken them almost three months. 

Finally, he was able to buy this house. His social security number had been revived, and the Pentagon had let the world know that reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated. And that had been it. Daniel Jackson died or ascended a year ago, and 'presto-chango' he's back, he's alive. Now back to work everyone! Or so it seemed. 

Jack seemed happy that he had returned but there was still a wall between them. He laughed and joked while on a mission but the minute they were done with the debriefing, Jack was gone. Sometimes he was fishing at his cabin, other times it was just 'See ya'! Daniel wasn't sure what to make of it

He had been meditating with Teal'c but the big man never seemed to want to grab a bite or watch a movie. Sam just disappeared after meetings, buried in Naquadah reactors and other projects. It was always "Can I have a rain check, Daniel?" whenever he asked if she wanted to do something.

Standing there, thinking about his friends, he felt bereft. What had Oma and he been thinking, sending him back to this? Every day he remembered more and more, and despite all the conflicts, he and SG1 had been family. Now, he wondered if he was remembering correctly. 

Work had always been the best way to keep the demons at bay and Daniel dug in. He had four days to get this house, *his house*, in some kind of order and from the looks of it, that's how long it would take do the basics.

Walking into the dining room, Daniel began to separate the boxes and started moving them into the appropriate rooms. He had to admit, unpacking was going to be an adventure. He'd just picked up a box with 'kitchen' written on the side, when the doorbell rang. 

"Damn, who could that be?" Muttering to himself, Daniel placed the box on the floor and headed for the door. 

Pulling the door open, Daniel felt a jolt of shock. 

Jack stood on the porch, a cardboard box in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other. 

"Jack?"

"Hey Daniel, thought you might need some help getting settled in." 

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Jack raised an eyebrow in classic Teal'c style. At that look, Daniel hurriedly added, "Come on in." He stepped back, making room for Jack to pass and then just stared at his retreating back. A little stunned, Daniel abruptly closed the door and followed him into the living room.

Jack had set the box down on the coffee table and was headed for the kitchen with the beer.

"I'm confused." His words stopped Jack in his tracks. Daniel could see him hesitate, then take a deep breath as his shoulders slumped. 

"What's got you confused?" Jack turned, setting the beer on the end table and, Daniel could suddenly see a sadness in his friend's face.

"You, Jack. Why are you here?"

"I'm here to help. Really. I want to help you get settled into your new home." Daniel didn't know what to think. He had an impulse to tell Jack to get out, but he didn't quite know what to make of all this. Jack hadn't been anything but his CO these last few weeks. 

"I'm still confused. Do you even know what I'm talking about?"

"Yes, I think I do. Do we have to talk about this?" Jack seemed uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to the other, rubbing the back of his neck, refusing to meet Daniel's gaze.

"I think maybe we do. You haven't said more than two words to me, outside of work, since I've been back. It's like you've been avoiding me. Not just you, Sam and Teal'c, too. Why is that?" 

When Jack didn't answer, Daniel forged on. "Everything I can remember tells me we were friends, good friends, before I ascended, despite our difficulties." Daniel started to pace. Jack's simple question opened the floodgates. "I'd like to think I had something to do with Oma's decision to send me back here. But now I'm not so sure anymore, Jack. Maybe I should have stayed where I was!"

Daniel suddenly felt hands on his shoulders turning him, pulling him into Jack's arms, hugging him. 

"Don't say that, Daniel! Never say that! Please don't even think it. I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry." Daniel stood there hugging his friend back, listening to him, and feeling his distress.

Jack seemed to be afraid to let go of him. So Daniel stayed where he was, reveling in the warmth he was feeling again. Slowly, Jack's grip on him loosened. 

"Can we just sit down? I need to talk to you." 

"Yeah, come on." Daniel led the way to the sofa and sat down. Jack followed, sitting on the coffee table opposite him.

"I know it's kinda early, but I need a beer. Want one?" Daniel nodded and Jack leaned over, grabbing the beer from the end table, handing one to him.

He watched as Jack took a drink, then another. Dutch courage. Daniel wondered why he remembered that phrase out of the blue. It was just more evidence that it was all coming back to him.

Jack sighed and set the bottle aside. Daniel waited. 

"I'm sorry. I would say that I haven't been avoiding you, but it'd be a lie."

Daniel closed his eyes. So he hadn't imagined it. 

"I've been afraid."

"Afraid?" Okay, of all the answers in the world, of all the excuses, that hadn't been what Daniel had been expecting. "Of what?"

"Ahh, where should I begin? Afraid that you aren't real. Afraid that Oma might change her mind. Afraid to care about my best friend again. Afraid of losing you one more time. Let's face it, Daniel. You've done this Lazarus routine just a little too often." As Jack scrubbed his face with his hands, Daniel noticed a slight tremor there.

"I have to tell you. When you died last year, it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. You were healthy one minute and a few hours later you were disintegrating before my very eyes. You weren't shot, or ribboned or stabbed. You hadn't fallen and injured yourself. There wasn't a wound that Fraiser could fix. She could only make you comfortable." Jack leaned forward, elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. "And I hated it. It was like someone had taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart."

Daniel sat there, listening, suddenly secure in the knowledge that he had been missed. That Jack had not only missed him, but had cared, and, well, still cared for him. Suddenly that little ember of warmth he'd felt earlier began to glow, spark and catch fire. 

"I didn't want to die. I remember that, Jack. I remember feeling cheated and hating it. I wasn't going to live to a ripe old age, maybe marry again, or have children. And I remember the pain. All the drugs Janet gave me still didn't alleviate the pain." Daniel felt the prickle of unshed tears in his eyes. "I didn't want to go. Not really. But the alternative. well, you know." 

He saw Jack finally look up. And the pain of the last year was written all over his face.

"Daniel, my parting words to you in the infirmary were not part of my finest hour. My admiration for you knows no boundaries, but you are my best friend and I missed you. I had to pull back inside when you died. I had to do that to get through it, to survive your loss." 

Daniel smiled and just pointed towards the ceiling. 

"I know, I know. You ascended. But it felt like a death. And it was no less real to me than Charlie's. When you love someone like that, it tears you apart to lose them. And I'd lost you to the glowy ones. I guess I was afraid to let myself be hurt again like that when you returned."

"Sam and Teal'c?" Daniel had to ask.

"I have a feeling that they've been going through something very similar. Carter grieved openly and it was hard for her because Teal'c and I were doing the brave soldier, warrior routine. Teal'c was stoic as ever but there were changes in his behavior. We all knew he was mourning in his own way." Jack looked away, and stared out the front window.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that." Daniel leaned forward and squeezed his arm. In his heart, Daniel knew that if Jack had been the one who'd died, he would've felt the same way. "I've missed you, too." Simple words that spoke volumes.

Daniel watched as Jack reached for the box he'd brought with him. Turning back, he placed it on Daniel's lap.

"I've been holding these for you." Jack reached for his beer and nodded at the box, encouraging Daniel to look inside.

Daniel slowly lifted the edges of the brown cardboard box. Peering inside, he could see tissue paper wrapped around the contents. Before he even picked one up, he realized the items were books. Reaching inside the box, Daniel lifted the one on top out and gently unwrapped it.

Tears began to form as he realized what he was holding. It was one of his personal journals from before his ascension. Carefully, Daniel opened the front cover and looked at the dates he had written there so long ago. 

Daniel closed his eyes and, gripping the book tightly, held it to his chest. He knew what was written in this and the others packed in the box. There was pain, loss, feelings of betrayal and forgiveness. He had needed this outlet when Sha'ure had died. Her words to him, when he'd been caught in the grip of Amaunet's hand device, had helped to steer him through the shrouds of grief that had descended on him. This journal had also helped him accept that she had been right all along. He had forgiven Teal'c and set his path to finding Shifu.

The words inside also told of friends who had held him when he'd cried and supported him when he'd needed it the most. Jack, Sam and Teal'c had given him space and time, allowing him to grieve, but hadn't let him wallow for too long. They had begun a slow and insidious campaign to involve him in life again. 

He had hated them for it at first, as his journal would attest. But in time, and with their help, he'd surfaced and refocused his energies. He would always be grateful to his friends, his family for surrounding him with their love.

Opening his eyes, Daniel could see that Jack had risen and was standing at the front window, looking out, waiting patiently. As if sensing Daniel's gaze on him, he turned and gestured at the box.

"They're all there. I kept them in my office closet at home. I was worried that in storage, they might somehow be lost or damaged."

"But why?" Daniel was confused. He had read the notes from his mission to Kelowna and subsequent ascension. He had essentially died. Save for Oma, he would be dead, and buried, for that matter.

Jack shrugged his shoulders, looking a little embarrassed. "Didn't feel right that anyone might read your personal thoughts. Would've kept them forever, if needed."

Jack returned to his seat on the coffee table. Reaching across he grabbed Daniel's hand. 

"I'm glad you're back, Daniel. I'm really glad you're back."

Daniel returned Jack's grip.

"Me, too." Looking back at the box, Daniel nodded. "Thanks for this. It means a lot to have them back. It's my memories."

Both men smiled and then, clinking bottles, took long drinks of their beers. 

Setting his bottle aside, Daniel rewrapped the journal.

"I guess I need to have a talk with Sam and Teal'c."

"They'll be here soon. They're coming over to help, along with Fraiser and Cassie." At the look of surprise on Daniel's face, Jack laughed. "Oh yeah, look out, the estrogen express is on the way."

"Ahh, blackmail material." Daniel laughed, suddenly feeling a little lighter.

"You wouldn't dare." 

"Try me." Both men smiled and Daniel could see the tension in Jack's face easing.

"So, you want to help, huh?"

At Jack's nod, Daniel stood and made a sweep with his arm. "Pick your poison. I was just sorting through boxes, moving them into the appropriate rooms." 

Jack and Daniel began to work side by side, quietly, relocating Daniel's belongings. Daniel could feel the comfort and warmth of friendship seeping back into his life and realized it had always been there under the surface. There was again the feeling of home and family and he knew he was where he belonged.


End file.
